Uncertain.

I’ve been having a lot of restless nights lately. I go to bed tired, but then I lie in bed wide awake. An anxious feeling consumes me. I am excited, nervous, scared shitless. Up until now, life has been a single staircase and I just took steps. But now, as I’m preparing to graduate college, I take my final step. But my final step to where? It doesn’t just stop. I see doors, I see another set of stairs, and another and another, I see slides and I see bikes and I see planes that can take me everywhere. I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go and that terrifies me. I thought college was supposed to be the step I took to get to the step where I knew what the rest of my life would look like. But here I am, up at 2 am thinking about all the possibilities–and all the consequences. I guess that’s a beautiful thing though, right? This panic that I am so privileged to have? I get to dream about a world filled with opportunities and challenges, but soon I will be apart of it. It will be chaotic and messy, but an adventure all my own. This uncertainty is unsettling, but then again if I was completely certain what sort of nights would I have? What sort of dreams would I dream?

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