Uncertain.

I’ve been having a lot of restless nights lately. I go to bed tired, but then I lie in bed wide awake. An anxious feeling consumes me. I am excited, nervous, scared shitless. Up until now, life has been a single staircase and I just took steps. But now, as I’m preparing to graduate college, I take my final step. But my final step to where? It doesn’t just stop. I see doors, I see another set of stairs, and another and another, I see slides and I see bikes and I see planes that can take me everywhere. I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go and that terrifies me. I thought college was supposed to be the step I took to get to the step where I knew what the rest of my life would look like. But here I am, up at 2 am thinking about all the possibilities–and all the consequences. I guess that’s a beautiful thing though, right? This panic that I am so privileged to have? I get to dream about a world filled with opportunities and challenges, but soon I will be apart of it. It will be chaotic and messy, but an adventure all my own. This uncertainty is unsettling, but then again if I was completely certain what sort of nights would I have? What sort of dreams would I dream?

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My Thoughts on the Miss America Pageant.

Last night, an Indian-American won the Miss America Pageant. I did not watch the show, but later I was reading about it online and found this article.

The article both shocked and disgusted me. How can people be so ignorant, yet so confident? It baffles me that as a nation of immigrants, people have the audacity to single out what a “true American” looks like.

Everyone comes from somewhere different, unless, maybe, you are one hundred percent Native American… Regardless, a person should not be judged, especially in such a racist way, on these perceived–and extremely flawed–characteristics of what it looks like to be an American.

Besides, ‘looking’ like an American is not the important part. What matters is how we act. This shows the true colors of a nation. By making these kind of comments, whether jokingly or not, you perpetuate the negativity and oppression that we vowed to move past as an independent nation many centuries ago.

You are not just hurting the winner of the contestant in slandering her like this, but also you are making a mockery of the principles that our country was founded on.

So the question is, what does it really mean to be American? Does it mean being ignorant, racist, and disgusting? If so, we are absolutely killin’ it, ‘MERICA!

But truthfully- I know we are better than this. We are the country that believes in human rights for everyone, we are the country that has more opportunities than any other place in the world, we are the country that does NOT perpetuate hate. We embrace the differences among us and THAT’S what makes us American.

So please, let’s get our sh** together, I’m begging you.

iLike life without an iPhone, am iOK?

My month without an iPhone has been strangely liberating. I recently had it stolen from me—and as trivial and “white” as it sounds—I was actually devastated. That’s the most upsetting part. How mad I was (still kind of am) about this phone! Although I only had the phone for a couple months, I actually forgot what life was like without it. The constant compulsion to check the notifications that would fill my home screen gave me some sort of weird satisfaction ..Likes on Instagram, new Snapchats, a friend (who isn’t an actual friend) inviting me to an event on Facebook… Why are these things so important? The answer?  They’re not. Going back to my old flip-phone is actually refreshing. It’s forced me to make more phone calls, enjoy a meal without instagramming it, and spend time with my real friends instead of obsessing over online ones. I can’t lie, of course I miss the convenience of everything the iPhone had, but since when has life been convenient?